Tuesday, August 14, 2012
My trio starts kindergarten tomorrow. I'm half excited and half broken-hearted and completely shocked that this day is here. And on top of that, my baby boy turns 2 on Saturday, and my 3 month old had decided she no longer prefers or requires to be swaddled. Everyone is growing up so stinkin' fast. And I feel frantic. Before I know it our school supply list will shift from glue sticks to graphing calculators and I will be wondering where on earth the time has gone. I know one thing; it only makes me that much more zealous to instill in my children a deep longing and love for the God who created and delights in them. I pray, no I beg God to capture their hearts. I worry that every time I fail as a mother it turns their hearts farther away from God. And I pray that somehow despite my shortcomings, God will poor His mercy on me and make beautiful fruit grow from this weary woman’s labor.
I'm reminded of the time at dinner when one of my 5 year olds, Sam, was being particularly disobedient that day and giving his poor mama a very hard time. Finally, after he had once again been disrespectful he was 'excused' from the dinner table up to his room. Charlie could tell how distraught I was and he looked at me and said "are you going to cry again?" I had to laugh through my teary eyes. He didn't get it. Not yet, but someday (maybe not until he has children of his own) he will understand how much I loved them, and how broken hearted I was at his brother's poor choices that day. Oh lord, you know my heart. You know I don't desire my children to be smart or successful or popular. But Dear Lord, above all things, I pray they 'get it'.
I pray they understand when they choose to be disobedient it literally breaks my heart, as it does yours as well. I also pray they come to know your sweet forgiveness.
I pray they come to understand how God is my strength and through all the times when a house full of rambunctious boys would have done most people in, their mama was a Saint and never once lost her temper. And I pray they forgive me for all those times when I did.
I pray they come to understand why mama turns up the radio, in the middle of all the chaos, and lift her hands in worship.
I pray they understand what I am doing when I can't do anything else but just lie down, face flat into the carpet and find rest. Not sleep, not a break, just finding rest and strength in you.
I pray they hear the lies of Satan and remember to take those lies to you, letting your truth wash over them like the waves of an ocean, slowly washing those them away wave by wave.
I pray they understand that while bad things may happen to them, you are still good, and I pray that they find the ability to turn life’s trials into a powerful testimony of your goodness.
And I pray they come to understand and cherish the importance of being different than everyone else. That they realize that they are special and chosen and they are to be a bold and brave light in this world.
I pray they come to understand, as much as your earthly bodies can, how much you love them. How sweet and perfectly and lavishly you love them. And I pray with all my heart and soul that they love you too.
Thank you for these first 5 years of mothering. I have learned so much and I pray that my successes outweigh the mistakes. I know one thing; I could not make it through one day without you. Thank you for being with me every step of this journey. From the NICU to the college campus you were, you will be, you are there. I have learned more about your mercy and Grace and love in the past 5 years than I ever would had I not become a mother. I cherish these children you have entrusted me with. I pray I find ways to glorify you in my mothering every single day.
In Jesus Name,
Oh, one more thing; thank you for making them so stinkin' cute and funny and entertaining. Nicely done.